To The Unloved Wife: I’ve Been There
Unloved wife. It almost seems like an oxymoron, but sadly, it happens in many marriages.
The pain of being hurt, by the very person who promised to love you no matter what, is unbearable. Whether it hits you out of nowhere, or it’s something that you’ve watched happen little by little, feeling like an unloved wife will leave you broken and lonely.
I have a vivid memory of walking through the grocery store one day with tears running down my face. It was one of the first moments I had been without my kids since my husband confirmed he was involved with someone else, and it was like a dam had broken. Strangers looked at me like I was crazy. It didn’t matter. I had been keeping it together for so long, and I simply couldn’t do it anymore.
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Leah-The Unloved Wife
Have you ever read the story of Jacob and Leah? It is found in Genesis 29, and I strongly recommend reading it.
He’s a quick summary:
There were two women, Leah and her younger sister Rachel.
A man named Jacob was in love with Rachel, so he arranged with her father, Laban. Jacob would work for him for seven years in exchange for Rachel’s hand in marriage.
After seven years had passed, Jacob took his bride, only to realize he had married Leah! Laban had deceived him because it was the custom for the oldest daughter to be married before her younger sisters.
Although Jacob was married to Leah, he was still in love with Rachel. He agreed to work an additional seven years for Laban, so he could also marry Rachel.
Jacob makes no secret of the fact that his heart belongs to Rachel. Even though he is married to both sisters, the more you continue to read, the more Jacob’s favoritism becomes evident.
God saw the heartbreak that Leah endured due to the rejection of her husband. He knew she was hurting, so He blessed her by giving her children. While Rachel struggled to conceive, Leah gave birth to several sons and a daughter. Each time she hoped it would cause her husband to love her, but each time she remained the unloved wife.
Two Things Unloved Wives Need To Remember
If you have found yourself in the painful position of doubting your husband’s love, you must remember a few things as you move forward.
1. You Won’t Change Your Husband On Your Own
Much like Leah, when I felt unloved, I would try different things in an attempt to make my husband love me. If I lose this weight or change my hair, or act a different way, he’ll love me again, I’d think.
The truth is, none of those things mattered.
While there were things about myself that I needed to work on, in the end, none of those things were what brought him back to me. The only thing that did that, was bringing those hurts to my Heavenly Father.
You can spend your time trying to change who you are for your husband, or you can pray that God will restore your relationship. One will leave you weary, the other will renew your strength!
2. Your Husband Wasn’t Made To Complete You
When people fall in love sometimes they say things like, “he completes me.” As lovey-dovey as that might sound, it’s simply untrue. Your husband wasn’t made to complete you.
It took me a long time to understand that if I kept waiting for my husband to make me feel worthy, he would disappoint me every time.I love my husband, and his opinion of me matters. However, my value doesn't come from what my husband thinks about me, it comes from what Jesus did for me. Click To Tweet
The more I focused on God’s love for me, the less pain I felt about being unloved by my husband.
Leah had spent years trying to win the affection and approval of her husband. Each time she gave birth, Leah tried to convince herself that Jacob would finally love her. Yet each time she knew he still loved Rachel more. When Leah had her fourth son, she didn’t dwell on the love she wished Jacob had for her anymore. Instead, Leah chose to see her son as a reminder of God’s love for her and praised the Lord for him.
Her husband may not have favored her, but Leah was loved by God.
Today if you find yourself with the uninvited feeling that you are an unloved wife, remember that you are loved by God, and that is a love that will never change.
If you are feeling unloved due to your husband being unfaithful, you won’t want to miss our course “Healing the Heartbreak: Finding Hope In Christ When Your Marriage Falls Apart.”