Why You Shouldn’t Bad Mouth Your Husband (And 3 Things You Should Do Instead)
Marriage can be hard, especially when your husband is getting on your nerves, but does that give you the green light to bad mouth your husband?
We probably all know someone who is constantly spitting out every irritating thing that their spouse does. If we’re honest we have probably even gotten caught up sharing the latest thing our partner did to get under our skin a time or two.
As Christians, is it acceptable to share your frustrations with your husband during your girl’s night out, or in your mommy and me group?
In a word, no.
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Why You Shouldn’t Bad Mouth Your Husband
The Bible is full of verses telling us that we should be careful with what we say, and choose our words carefully. It should come as no surprise then when it tells us in Ephesians not to ” let any unwholesome talk” come out of our mouths.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians 4:29 NIV
What is Unwholesome Talk?
If you look up the word “unwholesome,” some of its synonyms include: destructive, harmful, and indecent.
Think about it, by bad-mouthing your husband, you are saying things that are destructive, and harmful to your marriage!
While it can be tempting to unload all the things that are bugging you in your relationship, it's a good idea to ask yourself first, will these words build up my husband or tear him down? If your words are that which are insulting to… Click To Tweet3 Things You Should Do Instead Instead of Bad Mouthing Your Husband
If your husband is on your last nerve and you find yourself tempted to bad-mouth him, here are some Biblical solutions you can try instead!
1. Build Him Up
If you continue reading the second part of the verse above, it goes on to say that instead of using those “unwholesome” words, instead, we should use words that “build others up.” So how do we do this? One way to do this is to focus instead, on the things that your spouse does well.
For example, you might be tempted to say, “My husband always leaves the seat up when he’s done cleaning the toilet and it drives me crazy!” Instead of putting your focus on the fact that he leaves the toilet seat up, think about the fact that he has cleaned the bathroom!
By looking at the good things that your husband does instead of always looking for the bad, you will not only build him up but will also improve your marriage.
Encouraging your spouse instead of bad-mouthing him isn’t always easy, but the more you try to focus on his positive traits, the easier it will be to see the good that he does.
2. Be Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak
If you are anything like me, the command in James 1:19 is an extremely hard one to follow. I have a really short fuse, and there are many times that I speak up too quickly or speak out of anger. Instead, I should be quiet and try to listen to what my husband is saying.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”
James 1:19 NIV
Referring to the verse from Ephesians again, it goes on to say that we should build each other up “according to their needs.”
By spending more time listening to your husband, and less time complaining about him, you will also be able to learn the best ways to build him up, and what his needs are.
3. Talk to God, Not Your Girlfriends
If bad-mouthing your husband to your girlfriends is off-limits, who can you talk to about your concerns or frustrations?
God!
Praying about the situation that you find yourself in with your husband is not only a good idea, but it’s also the best thing you can do to create a healthy marriage.
Pray for God to give you eyes to see the good in your spouse. Ask Him to help you to know when to hold your tongue, and to help you be slow to get angry. Then pray that He will show you the flaws in yourself, that may be causing problems in your marriage.
Remember, if you are finding yourself annoyed with your husband, there is a good chance that he is feeling this way about you too!
Praying for your marriage will help you both to have a stronger, more loving marriage.
Final Thoughts
There are days in any relationship when you will find yourself bothered by the things your loved one does.
Next time that you feel this way, ask yourself if you are choosing words that will build up your husband or tear him down. Be sure to listen to the needs of your husband, so you know how to encourage and support him. Pray that God will help you to be a partner who sees the good in her husband and praises him, instead of bad-mouthing him!
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43 Comments
Stacy · July 28, 2020 at 1:40 am
I think this article is very good for all couples and it would also be great teaching tool for premarital counseling. Newly Weds sometimes misunderstand each other and sometimes say the wrong thing about their spouse and it causes others to lose respect for them. Very lovely article.
M. J. · July 28, 2020 at 2:00 am
Thank you! Yes, sadly, I have seen many people say things that make their spouse look bad!
Dani James · July 28, 2020 at 4:59 pm
This is great and I appreciate the scripture used – I also think is that how I would like to be treated, my husband complaining about me to his mates or work colleagues –
M. J. · August 4, 2020 at 3:46 am
That’s true. It could apply in many situations!
Adriana · July 28, 2020 at 5:09 pm
Hi! Thank you so much for reminding us that God is always there to hear our frustrations. I am thankful that He is our first line of defense as a Christian!
M. J. · August 4, 2020 at 3:46 am
Amen!
Donna Miller · July 28, 2020 at 5:22 pm
This has been an ongoing thing in our lives, learning to build up and not tear each other down. Such a spirit and wisdom filled post! Beautiful my friend … ❤
M. J. · August 4, 2020 at 3:48 am
Yes, I agree, it’s a constant theme, and often a constant battle!
Cassie | a Life on a Dime · July 28, 2020 at 9:14 pm
This is soooo important! My mom was not so good at this and my mother-in-law told me it’s something she told herself she would never do was talk bad about her husband. I really took it to heart!
M. J. · July 29, 2020 at 4:14 am
It’s something I work really hard at, because I know I’d be really hurt if my husband was talking badly about me!
Mary Rooney Armand · July 29, 2020 at 8:05 pm
Great advice! I have been married 25 years and have learned that in order to respect our spouses we must elevate them to others not bring them down.
M. J. · July 30, 2020 at 5:37 am
Yes, for sure!
Christina Dronen · July 29, 2020 at 11:26 pm
It can be so easy to badmouth your spouse when you are angry or frustrated. I’ve done it, but with God’s help, less over time. Your points are very helpful – especially that we can always voice our frustrations to God. And really He’s the one that can do the most about it right?
M. J. · July 30, 2020 at 5:36 am
Exactly! It’s always a better idea to take it to God!
Betty Rojugbokan · July 31, 2020 at 11:20 am
Thanks for reminding us of the reason not to bad mouth our spouse but to take our frustrations to God instead.
M. J. · August 4, 2020 at 3:48 am
Thank you so much for reading!
Hannah · July 31, 2020 at 11:27 am
Such an edifying post. The Bible says do unto others as you want them to do to you, if I can’t take it then I shouldn’t give it out. Bad mouthing is an absolute no no, our words our powerful and should be full of grace. Thanks for sharing this wisdom.
M. J. · August 4, 2020 at 3:49 am
So true, words are so powerful!
Luisa Rodriguez · July 31, 2020 at 6:48 pm
Great advice on not bad-mouthing your spouse. I agree with you, praying is the best course of action–especially knowing that only God can transform them.
M. J. · August 1, 2020 at 5:10 am
Absolutely, He is the only One who can actually help us change the situation!
Tona · July 31, 2020 at 9:38 pm
I think these reasons that we shouldn’t bad mouth our spouses were great! I think definitely building up is the best way to go and for the other things that we may want to say take it to the Lord in prayer.
M. J. · August 1, 2020 at 5:09 am
Thank you! Yes prayer is so important!
Joni Steinauer · August 1, 2020 at 4:39 am
Thank you for this wonderful reminder of how we should build each other up. I am going to apply these principles to my relationship with my children, since I am not married. Blessings, Joni
M. J. · August 1, 2020 at 5:09 am
That’s a great idea! It could really apply to anyone you are close to!
Teresa · August 1, 2020 at 7:10 pm
Great biblical advice! It’s easy to fall to the temptation to bad mouth your spouse. But it does no one any good! And it actually makes the person doing it look bad. Not her husband! Thank you for this reminder! Blessings! 💗
M. J. · August 3, 2020 at 3:11 am
That’s true, it often says more about the character of the person who is talking then the other person!
Adriane · August 2, 2020 at 2:45 am
I have never been inclined to bad-mouth my husband but I have noticed I’m not always the first to build him up either. I was in a mom’s group years ago and I had to leave because all the women (who were not necessarily Christians) did was talk poorly of their spouses in our Facebook group. So not only did I learn how to speak highly and be supportive of my husband, I realized I couldn’t be around other women who tore their husbands down either. Thanks for these tips!
M. J. · August 3, 2020 at 3:13 am
I have see that in some women’s groups too. It’s a shame, because people get an idea of what that man is like without even knowing him or what his good qualities might be.
Kari · August 3, 2020 at 1:40 am
Amen!!! You need to shout this one from the rooftops 😊 so much wisdom here!
M. J. · August 3, 2020 at 3:03 am
LOL! I basically need to remind myself daily, it’s def important!
Elizabeth · August 3, 2020 at 12:07 pm
A very good and important topic, especially for newly-weds. I remember seeing others make these mistakes in front of people. It just makes everyone uncomfortable for him.
M. J. · August 4, 2020 at 3:50 am
So true!
Rachel · August 3, 2020 at 1:39 pm
So important to take everything to God first, including our relationship concerns and frustrations with our spouses. I am always left with more compassion and wisdom for how to approach a conversation when I start with God!
M. J. · August 3, 2020 at 4:01 pm
Amen!
Mamie · August 4, 2020 at 2:31 am
Our words about our spouses and to our spouse matters. Choosing to speak life is a deadly choice.
M. J. · August 7, 2020 at 3:13 am
Absolutely!
Summer · August 5, 2020 at 10:39 pm
Yes! There’s a difference between sharing a concern about our marriage with a mature close friend and complaining about our spouse. I wasn’t so good at this at the beginning of my marriage, but have gotten so much better over the years.
M. J. · August 7, 2020 at 3:11 am
Yes, there is a difference for sure. I think it’s a lesson a lot of us have to learn over time.
Amber · February 5, 2021 at 1:19 pm
I try really hard to never speak any negative over my husband. If I need prayer for a certain issue we are facing it can be easy to want to slip into negativity but its -never- worth it!
Meghan · February 8, 2021 at 7:48 pm
So true! Thanks for reading!
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